Aftermath
by Skavvie
Summary: Just an idea I had about the aftermath of the episode "I am my mom". Contains massive episode spoilers so if you haven't seen it I wouldn't read this


Peridot was not taking the news well, in fact she hadn't left from her position, curled next to her tape recorder morp, in two days. Steven was gone and it was her fault, if she hadn't made that log the Diamonds would have never taken his friends. She hated her past self for her arrogance and utter foolishness in following the gem matriarchs with such blind devotion. Because of her latent need to record every new bit of information she came across her best friend was gone. Though Garnet had said that they didn't blame Peridot for Steven's choice she had noted that none of the Crystal Gems would meet her eyes. They had left shortly after delivering the news presumably to devise a rescue strategy. Lapis had also left, to where the green gem didn't know she had simply summoned her wings and took flight. "It's probably for the best", Peridot's overly critical mind helpfully supplied. "If I'm alone I can't cause any more damage than I already have", she groaned and curled into an even smaller ball.

Lapis did eventually return once she was calm enough to resist the urge to destroy the world around her. Steven was one of the few things she liked about this miserable planet and he had just left without even saying good-bye. In a way she understood his desire to protect those he cared about having done something similar with the formation of Malachite. Doing it herself and experiencing it from the other side were two different things however. The news had overwhelmed her, infuriated her, and she lashed out at the others for their failure to protect him. Words fell from her lips like venom, the harshest of which had been directed at Peridot. Thinking back on it made her cringe; she had been ruthless targeting every insecurity she knew the other gem to have. Giant hands of water had formed from the smaller than average lake ready to crush the others to dust. That's when her mind caught up with her emotions and she had left before she could do more harm.

Now as she landed at the entrance to the barn she was struck by the resounding silence. On a normal day the building would echo with the sounds of Peridot's tinkering or the comforting background noise of Camp Pining Hearts. Pumpkin was laying in her hammock; he barked excitedly at her return and leaped down to greet her. "Hey buddy", Lapis murmured scooping up the yapping sentient vegetable, "did you miss me?" He responded by using his slimy orange tongue to enthusiastically cover her face in kisses. "I'll take that as a yes", she snorted before putting the pet down, "come on let's find Peridot." The dog like squash barked running a short distance to the pedestal that housed Wow Thanks. Next to the morp was a piled of random debris with a tuft of blonde hair sticking out of it. Said pile was sniffling quietly and trembling slightly; Lapis sat down beside it sighing softly. Wordlessly she pulled her crying barn mate into her lap making sure to leave enough room for Pumpkin to join them.

Peridot didn't put up much of a fight, she was a smart gem, she knew when she couldn't win. Experience and hydrokenises made Lapis Lazuli one of, if not the, most powerful gems on Earth. Durable as she was she held no delusions about the fact that Lapis could crush her gem with minimal effort. In her present state she almost welcomed the idea; anything to rid her of the guilt that was tearing her apart. This was worse than the time she hurt Amethyst's feelings at the Prime Kindergarten. Worse than the crisis of identity she felt after the fiasco with the Diamond communicator. No this wasn't like feeling small, no amount of apologies would fix this and bring Steven back. "You shouldn't have come back", her voice was hoarse from crying, "I'm nothing but a traitorous clod. Steven is going to get shattered and it's all my fault", she spoke into the projected flesh of Lapis' stomach. Pumpkin nuzzled his face into the back of her neck whining softly but she didn't turn around.

Lapis looked down; in the thousands of years she's lived apologizing never seemed to get easier. Lashing out, letting her emotions control her was so much less work and felt great compared to five thousand years of isolation. She didn't have the luxury of taking the easy route now though, if she lost Steven and Peridot where else could she go? Returning to Homeworld wasn't an option; even if they did ignore what she did to Jasper it had changed too much. More than that though she had grown attached to the gem in her lap and the home they had made for themselves. "What I said before was wrong", she closed her eyes, "I was wrong this wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known the Diamonds would decide to use your logs as a human collecting list. There's no way you could have known that I was just mad before and hurt so I wanted everyone else to hurt too." Green eyes looked up at her from behind their yellow tinted visor, "I'm sorry Peridot".


End file.
